DOJ CLAIMS EPSTEIN REDACTIONS WERE CARRIED OUT BY PARROT WHO SAID HE UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT—DIDN’T
WASHINGTON— The Department of Justice announced Tuesday that a series of unusually aggressive redactions in recently released Jeffrey Epstein-related documents were the result of a clerical error involving a parrot that officials say “appeared to understand the assignment but very clearly did not.”
According to DOJ representatives, the bird—identified only as “Mr. Beaks”—had been temporarily assisting with document processing after staff members reportedly misunderstood an internal memo requesting that “someone who can repeat instructions back clearly” help with the redaction process.
“At the time, the parrot repeated the phrase ‘black it out!’ several times in what seemed like a very confident tone,” said one DOJ official who asked to remain anonymous. “In hindsight, that should have been a red flag.”
The issue came to light after journalists reviewing the files noticed that large portions of text—including dates, locations, and several entirely blank pages—had been redacted in thick blocks of black marker that appeared to have been applied without any clear legal reasoning.
Officials now believe the bird, having been given a marker and access to the documents, simply blacked out anything that looked “important.”
“In fairness to the parrot, a lot of it did look important,” said one department spokesperson while displaying a sample page that had been almost completely obscured except for the words “Tuesday” and “the.”
Investigators reviewing security footage reportedly observed Mr. Beaks enthusiastically stamping documents with his feet while repeating phrases like “CONFIDENTIAL!” and “TOP SECRET!” in what staff initially interpreted as a strong understanding of federal disclosure protocols.
Sources say the bird was eventually removed from the redaction team after it began applying black marker to unrelated office materials, including a coffee mug, a desk calendar, and what appeared to be the Attorney General’s lunch receipt.
The Department of Justice has since reassured the public that a full review of the redactions is underway and that future document processing will be handled by trained professionals rather than “extremely confident birds.”
At press time, officials confirmed that Mr. Beaks had been reassigned to the department’s communications office, where he is reportedly “doing an excellent job repeating the phrase ‘no comment.’”
