Local Detailer Offers ‘Exorcism Package’ for Uber Drivers Who Picked Up Mardi Gras Revelers

NEW ORLEANS—Citing an “alarming increase in residual bad energy,” a local auto detailer this week unveiled a new premium “Exorcism Package” aimed specifically at Uber drivers who recently transported Mardi Gras revelers.

According to the detailer, the package was created after drivers began reporting symptoms that standard cleaning services failed to address, including lingering glitter, phantom wooing sounds, and an inexplicable urge to shout “LET’S GOOO” while alone at red lights.

“This isn’t about stains,” said the owner, gesturing solemnly toward a sedan with pink feathers still lodged in the seatbelt housing. “This is about cleansing the vehicle of whatever followed them home.”

The Exorcism Package reportedly includes a deep interior shampoo, ozone treatment, industrial-strength vacuuming, and what the company describes as a “non-denominational spiritual reset,” performed while the technician mutters phrases like you’re safe now and this car belongs to you again.

Drivers who have already booked the service say it goes beyond aesthetics.

“I picked up eight women dressed as the same cowboy,” said one Uber driver. “They were screaming, crying, vaping, and arguing about who ruined the vibe. I cleaned the car twice and it still felt…judgy. After the exorcism, my radio stopped auto-tuning to early-2000s club music.”

The detailer confirmed that the package was not covered by Uber’s standard cleaning fee, noting that “$150 doesn’t undo what happened in that back seat.”

At press time, demand for the Exorcism Package had surged ahead of Jazz Fest season, with the shop quietly advising drivers to book before accepting any rides that included folding chairs, straw hats, or the phrase “we’re actually really chill.”